MY FIRST STEP

Please keep my name anonymous or change it.


I have been reading your blog and I find some stories interesting. I also want to urge you to keep your stories consistent because some times it takes months for a new story to be updated.






Here is my story on my first gay experience ( and how I met my boyfriend) i will like to share.



I grew up in a strong Christian home and I guess that’s where my passion for God and ministering came from. My parents had very strong influence over me that once  I graduated from school they had already  found a wife for me. Not like I minded that the girl was the daughter of my mum’s friend who also attended our church. She was beautiful and was also a strong Christian which was one of the main reasons I didn’t think twice.



Immediately after my service, my (our) parents ensured the marriage rites were done and all other necessary things such as a house, car and money to start a family was provided.


Marriage life was a bit Not as I thought it would be. Although my wife was humble, she had some attitudes I couldn’t deal with. She was quite controlling and wanted to know it all even though she behaves like she “knows it all”. I tried not to allow it mess things up so I assumed it’s “a woman thing”.



But One other major issue i had was our sex life. I had suppressed my sexual urges for so many years and use to imagine all the crazy things I will do with my wife once I get married. Guess imagination isn’t always reality. My wife “abhorred” sex. In fact when it came to religion she was worse than myself.



Anytime we had sex she always complained of pains even though I don’t fully perpetrate her. Even during the penetration, it seems as if my dick has reached the final bus stop.. as in it literally won’t go further than it did. I guess she had a shallow vagina or maybe my dick was too long ( am roughly about 12inches).



I became so frustrated. My wife refused going for sex counselling and since the bible commanded husbands to honour their wives, I did just that. Whatever was her decision was fine by me.



We tried having kids but after 2 miscarriages, we decided to give it a break. In fact after that, my wife stopped having sex with me. I now went full time into ministry to occupy my time and mind. Once my church had a pastoral opening in another state (Rivers state ) , I didn’t hesitate to take the opportunity.  It was a call to serve and i obeyed.



Though looking back now, i guess i just wanted a means of mental escape.




One secret I hadn't told anyone (at the time) ncluding my senior pastor or my wife was that I loved pornography. Even before marriage. I will watch; just to learn skills and fantasize how and what I will be enjoying with my wife.


When I discovered how frigid my wife Was, I resolved to wanking (through porn) as my escape for a sweet release.




Anyway, I packed my bags and left ibadan for port Harcourt and it was quite disheartening that my wife seemed relief  I was leaving.

I took a regular office job in the city and stayed with the head pastor while looking for an accommodation. It was during my stay there I met Bruce . He was the pastors brother. I usually saw a him in church and whenever he visited his brother (the pastor). He was about my age, had christian values and was successful in his carrier. He was not married and many times we raised it as a prayer point on his behalf during home worship.


I noticed how single women flocked round him seeking his attention after service. No doubt  He was indeed charming in looks and character. My interest in him started when I heard him sing as he played his guitar on my pastors child’s birthday. Everybody was awed by his talent including myself . After the party, as we cleaned up, I commended his talent and  we both got talking properly for the first time. We felt so comfortable with each other and the more we talked the more we found similar interest.


Things happened so fast... within few hours I was telling him about my failing marriage, my passion for ministry and oddly, I told him about my addiction to porn. There was something about him that made It felt natural not to hide anything from him.


He told me alot about himself as well. And he confided in me about his sexuality. He told me he has been battling homosexuality from childhood. He hadn’t had sex with a man at that time but that he feels the urge a lot. He also told me how he puts his finger or objects like roll-on in his ass hole before he can climax during masturbation.


As he spoke, my dick was so hard inside my trouser. Luckily, it was dark and we sat under the canopy so no one noticed. My mind was really giving me dirty pictures and Also, anal sex was one of the major things I was hoping to experience when I get married; so Hearing him say he puts object in his hole made me wish  it was a really big dick like mine filling him im up properly. I wasn’t even considering the fact he was a man. All I could see in my head was a good ass and my dick going inside.



I suggested we pray for each other for Grace to overcome our personal struggles and we did. We took turns to pray. But after the prayer ended, my erection didn’t end.

After he left, we still chatted on phone that night and he promised to see me after work the next day. He did as he promised and drove me home. I later came to know he stayed alone and close to my place of work.  I was sleeping in the sitting room in my pastors house which really wasn’t convenient so Bruce suggested I move in with him.


We lived like brothers and did everything together. He had a good body and I noticed He had a big well rounded ass which i couldn't stop myself from starring at. We never talked about our weakness since the last time we first had our heart to heart talk.



Bruce also helped me run the youth ministry I was handling and did it so well. I really admired his patience and big heart.  He was always willing to help and go the extra mile for anyone. Several times he has gone broke and hungry to make sure some one pays his school fees or have a better life.


On few occasions when I needed to release my sexual tension he seemed to understand without me saying a word to him. He will keep a porn DVD, tissue paper and lotion on top of the bed and tell me he’s going for a long walk. Sometimes if am doing it in the bathroom, he will not interrupt.  It was only on one occasion he accidentally ran into me and shouted “ good Lord “ when he saw my erect penis.


One day my wife called me and told me she needed to come and see me. From the way she was sounding I knew something was wrong. I told Bruce and he was excited about meeting her. But when i told him i had an odd feeling about her visit, he told me whatever was the outcome, he will be there to support me.


She arrived on a Saturday and I was surprised at the woman I saw. In barely 6 months she had really transformed. She had added a bit of weight, wore make up and had too much confidence. There seemed to be no humility in her. Bruce welcomed her as well as the pastor. We went to church together the next day and I took her to see the youths that were under my ministry.


On our way home from church , she made a statement that suggested I should use the youths to open my own church. I was appalled by her insinuation but because I knew I couldn’t win an argument with her, I kept my cool. She was leaving the following evening and told me we needed to talk.



As we sat in Bruce’s bedroom, she told me she has decided to go to Australia to further her education. From the way she sounded, married life was way behind her. She told me she didn’t want to cause a fuse between our families so she wanted us to agree to separate “for now”. I just started dumb founded. I began weeping and begging her. I knelt down and asked her to forgive me over what I didn’t even know. I was really confused. She told me she thinks we both were pushed into this whole church and marriage thing and she has decided to opt out. She suggested I do same.



As She handed back her wedding ring , I could see she had made up her mind because Her eyes were as dry as the sun. After she left, I fell sick. I felt I had failed myself and God totally. I felt i pushed my wife into backsliding even though Bruce told me she made her choice without any influence from me.


In my sickness I was filled with deep anger. I couldn’t control myself. I began punching the wall and swearing. In those moments, Bruce will hold me tight and calm me down. Sometimes he will play his guitar and sing for me which helped me sleep. I began throwing caution to the wind. Sometimes I will masturbate right there in the living room watching porn with no respect for Bruce who is the owner of the house. Anytime that happened he will walk away.



I slowly began putting myself together which wouldn’t have been possible without Bruce's support and saintly patience. One day, while Bruce was out and I was arranging the room, I accidentally knocked down a box kept on top of the wardrobe. As i tried putting it back in its position, the box slipped from my hand and as it fell to the floor, the content was revealed.



I Noticed  there was a dildo and some hard core magazines which  contained hot man to man action. I felt a bit betrayed that Bruce didn’t tell me he has graduated to using dildo’s. I thought of was just roll on and finger. I left the items on the bed and waited for him to return.



When he came back and saw the items on the bed, he immediately began to apologise. He knew he messed up . I asked him why he hid it from me knowing fully well we don’t keep secrets from each other. He told me he asked a friend coming from the UK to help him buy it alongside the magazines but didnt tell me because it was the time i was having my melt down. I forgave him though and things settled.

 But not my dick and my fantasy for anal sex.


One day, Bruce was on leave and because the roof of my office was been fixed, we were asked to close early. When I got home, I called out to Bruce but got no answer. I went into the bedroom and I saw Bruce with head phones watching something on his phone. He was naked and something was inside his ass. It didn’t take me long to know that was a dildo. He was fucking himself.



My dick instantly went mad. He saw me and was so shy. I signalled him to  continue that  it was okay by me. As i changed my work clothes i couldn't help but watch him from the corner of my eyes. His ass hole was open and yet to contrast from the dildo which he had taken out. He was also watching me.

I felt my precum seep out from my dick hole and moist my thighs. I just sat down on the edge of the bed because  if i stood up, my erection would be obvious and also, it felt like a strong magnetic force was holding me down.




I pretended to be going through my phone as i sat shirtless and wearing only my boxers. His leg touched me and stayed on me. Then his toes moved subtly on me. My dick began nodding harder as he did that.  I didn’t want it to seem like I was angry or disapproved what he was doing so I reached out to his toe and began pulling them one after the other with one hand while the other hand held my phone. I couldn’t bring myself to look at his face so I just starred at my phone.


He now brought the leg ( of the toes I was pulling ) over my thighs. I continued with the pulling but at this moment I was breathing heavily and my heart was pounding like I have ran for the Olympics.






Bruce simply slided down into me. His other leg behind me and the one on my thighs now fully across my both thighs. I felt his smooth warm flesh on my skin and that was when I knew I might faint if I continued to resist.


I dropped my phone , turned towards Bruce and raised the leg that rested on my thighs as I brought out my dick with my other hand.



Bruce lubricated my dick in seconds and before I knew it, I was collapsing on him while sliding fully into him . The sensation of having my whole dick completely swallowed without hindrance was pure magic. It was something i had never experienced in all my life.



He clung to me and  moaned so loud as I drove into him. I didn’t know what came over me but I began pounding him so hard. So furiously....like I was punishing him for all I have suffered lately including my wife’s frigidity.




It felt like I was taking out all my buried frustration on him.



He begged me to go easy but I didn’t care to listen. Shortly after wards, I heard him moan



“more...more...more..”



I automatically became more energised. I raised his both  legs up and began to scatter his hole. I stole a glimpse on his face and I could see he was really loving it. I increased my tempo and then I felt it rushing. I pumped all my semen into his wonderful ass and in the process of cumming, he opened his eyes so wide and stiffened.  Thick white sperm shot out from his dick without any contact. I didn’t know a man could release without touching himself when his was been fucked.


I collapsed beside him and it dawned on me what we just did.... what I had done. I had just fucked a man in his ass. My mind began racing. Guilt, fear...all manner of self stigma began crawling inn. I could tell Bruce was feeling guilty as well.



For almost 2 weeks we couldn’t look or talk to each other. One day while at home, i got a promotional letter in my email. I was so over joyed I ran into the living room and picked up Bruce in a big hug. I forgot whatever had happened as I kissed him out of excitement. Before I could even tell him the good news he kissed me back so fiercely and to my surprise I was doing same. We kissed for such a long time and before I knew what was going on, we where both naked and Bruce was riding my dick so expertly while kissing me. I have never had such sex experience ever. I went two rounds without stopping to think or rest.





As he laid on me while we both panted for air, he whispered- “please don’t leave me” . I didn’t know what to do or say....all I could hear myself say was “am here for you”.



I shared my good news with him and he was more excited than myself.




 Though i have moved out of Bruce's house to my own place, he is 90% of the time with me at my place (if am not at his).  My wife has served me divorce papers and our families are fighting tooth and nail to make sure it doesn’t happen.



They hate the fact am not bothered about reconciliation. Maybe it’s because am with Bruce now...i really don’t know. Am happy where I am in life even though I feel God is angry with me.  But I also have noticed that My love and friendship with Bruce has blessed and changed me in many ways.

I also believe there is a reason why he came into my life. My  ministry is doing extremly well and nothing seems to have changed. Also we ( Bruce and i) have had some cases of young people struggling just to fit into society because of their sexuality and we do all we can to encourage them to trust in God’s unconditional love.


It’s not been easy juggling faith and sexuality alongside societal expectations; but we are doing our best to walk in love and put God as the centre of all.


Please don’t disclose my identity.






Written by
   J.B