PASSIONS OF THE HEART 2.

Ralph made friends with my younger siblings and began visiting my house.









 But the more I saw him, the more it frustrated me to anger.









Yes; It angered me because despite the fact I was tripping for him, i was still battling with accepting my feelings for men.







 Also, my younger sister (who it seemed he was dating) As well as every girl on my street was obsessed about him. Everything just felt weird and I forced myself to remove him from my mind.








Eventually, i got a job offer (after almost 3 years of joblessness) in another state and relocated.








Life was finally going well until one day, while I was at the gym, I got a call.









“good evening sir". a deep masculine voice greeted me smoothly.










When I asked who it was I was speaking with, the caller introduced himself as Raphael.










It didn’t ring a bell.









 He explained that he use to live on the street of my parents house and called my siblings name ( in hope I remember him ) but still, It didn’t ring a bell - i simply couldn’t remember who he was.









Now Feeling clearly frustrated, he asked if he could have my Facebook account name so he could send me a message or add me up so I could know his identity.








I bluntly said “no".








He then suggested I have his name and check him up. I wanted to refuse but because I didn’t want to be rude (due to the fact he sounded respectful), i simply said “okay" so that he will stop disturbing me.










 As he attempted spelling his surname (which sounded bizarre and very long), he gave up almost immediately and suggested to send a text message of his full name.










 He asked if i would call him back after I recognised him and I said “yes". (But in my mind, I knew I wouldn’t. I just agreed so that I could dismiss him.






 Besides, i had forgotten the password to my inactive Facebook account so there was no point).







I completely forgot about him after he hung up until about a week later when he called me.







He asked if i could now remember him and I told him I hadn’t checked but will call him back once I did. He sounded a bit disappointed but I didn’t care because I couldn’t be bothered.








 He began sending me reminder text messages and I became so irritated by it that I blocked his number.








Few months later, I got a call from an old primary school class mate who told me there was a Facebook page where I could find my other class mates who we attended the same school together. He gave me names (and user names) of old friends i could find on Facebook as well. I was so happy that I attempted to log into Facebook and in the process, i miraculously remembered my forgotten password.









While going through my profiles of old friends, I suddenly remembered Ralph. I was idling away so I just thought I should check on him. I found his text message and searched for his name.







Once his profile came up, it was like a mighty thunder fired me. Smiling right at me was the photo of the guy who I had been crushing over.









My jaw dropped as Guilt, fear, anxiety, regret, confusion and excitement overwhelmed me.








How stupid of me.









 I quickly unblocked and called him.








As he said “hello...who is this?", my heart froze.







.
.“Wow....he has deleted my number” I thought.










It was now my turn to introduce myself.









 I told him who I was and apologised for my past behaviour.









He was quiet for a while and finally said – “it’s alright”.










I could taste the pain in his voice. I had disappointed him. I tried to starting a conversation with him but because his response was cold (perhaps because he was still upset with me), I had to end the call.









 I still felt bad over my actions and sent him a text pleading for his forgiveness.









 He simply replied – “I said its okay...”. I spent the next couple of days, stalking his Facebook, going through his photos (and saving them as well), reading his updates, checking his friends etc.









 From his updates (quotes and videos) , I could tell he was years ahead for his age. He was grounded and had strong knowledge on practically everything.







 I began to comment on his thread and aired my opinion on things I didn’t agree with. This led us into having an intellectual debate online ( which I thoroughly enjoyed).








As time went on, we began communicating privately. We will speak for hours on end talking about anything. We laughed, argued, debated, teased and motivated each other.







 I was beyond impressed that a man of his age had remarkable business ideas and plans that many men his age and even older  couldn't fathom. Not only had I fallen for his looks, I had been completely imprisoned by his mind and personality.








I begged him to come and see me but he insisted school was his priority and would only do so when he was less busy. After few months of constant communication, he eventually came to my state for a visit.









I remember how my hands shook out of nervousness on the steering as I drove to the park.









 When I laid eyes on him, the joy that exploded on my chest was beyond words. All I did was smile. He still look heavenly handsome even though he had began growing facial hair. I didn’t know whether to shake his hands or hug him. I just stood like an idiot and smiled at him as he slapped me on my shoulders and said “good to see you again".









He behaved like a politician.








I struggled with my breath as we drove to my house with him sitting beside me. The few days he spent in my house was the first time i felt real happiness. We cooked for each other, chatted until late...even when at work, i was looking forward to going home.







All through his stay, he slept in the guest room so there was no body contact or chance to touch him.






 There was a time i saw him come out of the bathroom in the morning and he still had his morning erection.








Usually, its quite rare for me to see a guy whose dick is as big or bigger than mine; but seeing Ralphs dick that day was one of those rare moments.








He had it “big".









For the first time in many years, i didn't fight myself over thoughts of being with another man. instead, i welcomed and wished for it.








One day while we ate together from the same plate, Ralph wanted to spoon feed me and i jokingly asked him





 -"this one you want to feed me are we now married?"









 "before nko?...eat matrimonial food jor" he teased as he fed me.









I didn't know what to say or do. I just smiled.









Eventually, Ralph left back to school and i began to miss him greatly.










One night as we spoke over the phone, he jokingly asked me if i missed him because he had noticed since he left my house, i have tippled my calling.






" so i cannot call my wife again?."








"which wife?" He asked a bit confused.








"i thought we where married?" i replied...hoping that would hint him of the marriage joke we had in my house when he visited.









 "tah!!!!.it is you that is the wife in this marriage o" he replied.










"shut up my friend. Am older than you" i said defensively.









 Ralph busted into laughter and said that was old generation mentality.









We began arguing back and forth and while we did, my penis was fully charged. ( a common thing that happens whenever we talk on the phone).











"but you know men get married these days...." i added in our discussion in an attempt to introduce a direct gay discussion.










Ralph told me that he had gotten a lot of advances and proposals from men abroad through social media.











He told me some of them send him money and one in particular was planning to visit him in few moths time.








 As he spoke, my blood ran cold with jealousy and the fear of loosing him to another man began to strangle me.









 "but do you love him?" i asked while hoping to hear the worst.










 Ralph told me that the man really cares for him and has been like a mentor. But he doesnt know if he can be with him.







when i asked "why?", he said the man was old enough to be his father and had accomplished so much that he fears he will not respect him due to the age and financial gap.







"are you saying you have feelings for him?" i asked.







Ralph couldn't give me a clear answer and this got me so angry that i hung up on him.








 I literally felt sick that day after the call.







 He tried calling me back but i declined his call and sent a text telling him to go and meet his rich American lover.







.

 For few days, i neither could eat nor sleep. I was just feeling worthless and hopeless because i felt i didnt have the balls to be a man and toast Ralph. Now someone was taking my spot.






All through my anguish, Ralph kept calling me but i wont speak to him. Even when i did, i was cold...until one day, he sent a message telling me he had a secret to tell me. That was when i decided to give him full audience.









 Ralph told me that even though he had neither had sex with a man nor woman, he feels he is gay because he realised he is attracted to men. When I asked him how he knew he was attracted to men, he told me from the first day he set eyes on me.





Written by
Nicholas J







To be continued